While I was witting about Neufeld’s comic, “A.D. New Orleans After the Deluge”, I focused on my introduction paragraph the most because what I wrote in the first paragraph will shape the rest of my essay. The conclusion was the last paragraph I wrote and the one that took the least time because it is just restating and rewording my introduction paragraph. The easiest paragraph for me to write was the second one talking about violence because I had more examples and evidence to support it. The feedback that I received regarding my essay was positive and the comments that I got are really going to help me in improving my work. Professor Sullivan mentioned on she really likes how I” have the strategy of contrast identified alongside an implication of what’s at stake for the audience in reading this comic”. My peer reviewer also stated that my first sentence was great which is really good because have I troubles in trying to decide what my first sentence should be and is something I worry about.
While revising I would like to add a paragraph talking about the death that was shown in the comic and how that could affect the audience. I would also like to add more summary to my comic by adding to my introduction paragraph the who, what, when, where aspects of the comic. The concerns that I still have about my essay is mentioning why Neufeld shows what he does in the comic and what is the reason behind them. Another concern is adding more information and examples into my essay.
Hi Carly,
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are on the right track. I think adding one more example will really develop your paper and give you that extra "push" to demonstrate that you are meeting the course goals. Your initial claim was original and thoughtful, so it's worth developing it as much as possible. As you continue to work on revising your essay, let me know if you still have trouble adding more information and examples. As a writer, in my own papers, I have the complete opposite problem! I always include too much information and too many examples, and my revisions are all to shorten the paper. So, I might be a good person to look at your essay and suggest ideas for how to add things.